Escargot Anyone?

Food has been scarce in the Hamiter household since being waylaid with a mild version of the plague. My menu unfortunately has been limited to hot tea with honey, sick day soup, and an arsenal of vitamin supplements. In an attempt to breath some life into the house, and hopefully into myself as well, I left our windows open for the better part of the day yesterday and around noon I noticed that the wind had blown in a bit more than fresh air (our windows lack screens). A diligent slug had snailed his way across the window ledge, inviting himself into my daughter's bedroom. Sensing a teachable moment, I called for Isabella and Josephine, who greeted the mini mollusk with squeals of delight, and repeated chanting of "Can we keep him Mommy?!". I acquiesced and the excitement broke out. Plans for housing, accessories, and naming rights began, in something akin to Cinderella's scene with Gus, but with a gastropod. Deciding that he (and as a slimy creature he would have to be a 'he') should be spared no luxury, we refashioned a Nordstrom shoebox with dirt, an old pumpkin stem and, at Isabella's insistence, fresh bread crumbs. Within 15 minutes, votes were cast, and a name was chosen- 'Slurry', the Slug, our first family pet.


It did not take long for us to realize that an open shoebox provides a rather large escape hatch. Wanting to maintain his open and viewable environment, I had the not-so-brilliant idea to wrap a line of foil around the box, believing that perhaps when his slime trail hit the foil the surface would be too slick for him to crawl out (I know. But I have been doped up on cold medication). Not surprisingly, we were foiled again, as an hour later I was accosted by my girls who were in a hurry to find Slurry. I did not have to look far however, to find him scaling the wall a foot above his abode. On to plan B. Realizing the need for a properly ventilated cover, I secured a piece of wax paper to the box with a large rubber band and poked in air holes with a toothpick. Ta-Da, success. Until bedtime. Isabella and Josephine got into Slurry's box for another round of viewing when Izze began to worry, "Mom he hasn't touched his food!". Albeit relatively unaware of the dietary habits of mollusks, I assured her not to worry, and told her to come and get ready for bed. After jammies, teethbrushing, and water drinking, we returned to the bedroom to find Slurry's box vacated. Tears ensued. The girls began to call him frantically,"Here, Slurry, Here Slurrrrry" while images of 'Reward- Missing Snail' posters briefly floated in my consciousness. But, I reasoned, part of the family pet experience is learning to deal with loss, though it was unfortunate that the whole exercise was compacted into a single day. After a flash-lit search party, we had to face that Slurry was gone.

As Wes and I concluded the bedtime routine, which included a fair amount of consoling, we assured them that Slurry was indeed happy and had moved onto to a better place... A Neiman's shoebox, perhaps.

Fat Burger

Deciding that I was in need of some supreme comfort food (which usually falls into either the sugar or fat category) I opted for the latter and experimented with a classic-the hamburger. The challenge was to see exactly how fattening I could make it. Bacon would have to be involved. To top my usual hamburger mix, which includes an egg for meatloaf like moisture, I fried up some bacon but didn't stop there. It needed more. Caramelizing onions in the grease was a salivating idea. Next, a big hunk of Gruyere cheese and more mayonnaise than a respectable person should ever admit to eating. Oh. So. Goooood.

Caramelized Onion & Bacon Burger
(this made 3 burgers and a little patty for Samuel)

for the burger
2 lbs lean ground beef or bison
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 tsp of Worcestershire sauce
3/4 tsp sea salt
1/4 tsp of garlic powder
a few grinds of fresh pepper
Gruyere cheese
pain au lait hamburger buns (Central Market has great buns, and unfortunaley, Mrs. Bairds can not be considered real bread)
Dijon mustard
mayonnaise
for the onions
6 slices bacon
1/2 an onion,thickly sliced


1. Make the onions. Cook the bacon in a large pan over medium to medium low heat until cooked through and still a little chewy (not dark and crispy)

2. Place the bacon on a plate lined with paper towels and toss the onions in the pan. Cook, stirring frequently, for about 10 minutes or so, until tender and golden

3. Thoroughly mix the beef, egg, and seasonings in a large bowl, but careful not to over-mix otherwise the meat will be tough. Assemble into large, flat patties, making sure the patties have an even thickness, otherwise the middle will swell and take longer too cook leaving the edges tasting like hockey puck. Cook over medium heat for a few minutes per side and then top with some Gruyere cheese, allowing it to melt a bit.

4. Lightly toast the buns and lightly spread one side with the Dijon mustard. Then take about 3 TBS of mayo (or more) and slather up the other side.

5. Put on the meat and cheese, bacon, and onions, and allow your eyes to roll into the back of your head.

King's Company

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have dinner with your husband's first serious girlfriend? Well, it might be more fun than you think (and not for the reasons you might expect). I remember well the night we were standing in line at Chipotle, a little less than a year ago, when Wes' gaze affixed itself to a woman's backside, and he, ahem, abruptly asserted that the woman a few paces ahead was none other than his ex. Exactly how he came to that conclusion from such an angle I do not care to know. After sharing a face to face introduction with her and her husband (quick sigh of relief) we struck up a conversation that has lasted on and off ever since. Realizing it had been over 6 months since we had invited them to dinner, and always on the look out for a reason to entertain, I decided there was no time like the present and extended the invitation once more. Having another independent, intelligent, yet completely hippi-fied mom friend is a beautiful thing, and by now I am lucky enough to consider the King family (said girlfriend, her husband, and their adorable cherub cheeked baby girl) good friends. What can I say- my husband has fabulous taste in women! ;)

A menu perfect for weeknight hosting when you have less time (and energy) to prepare, the tenderloin is a cinch, ditto the carrots, the fig sauce can be made in advance, and the stuffing get to just sits in the oven and doesn't need to be watched
closely. The tart dough can be made in advance as well, simply roll it out, dump the filling in, and pop on the oven before you sit down to dinner. The best part about this meal is that it makes your entire house smell like the holidays!

Rosemary Tenderloin

(2) 2 lb pork tenderloins
2 TBS olive oil
heaping TBS of fresh chopped rosemary
salt and pepper
vegetable oil for pan

- preheat oven to 425
- season the meat liberally with salt and pepper and rub in the olive oil and rosemary
- in a large oven proof skillet over medium high heat, add about 1 TBS of vegetable oil and then add the pork
- sear on all sides for a couple of minutes each until a nice crust is formed
- pop in the oven for 10 to 20 minutes, depending on the size of your tenderloin and the 'doneness' that you prefer- just slice into the center to check (best served slightly pink)


Savory Fig Sauce

2 1/2 cups port wine
1 1/4 cups chicken broth
8 dried figs
2 sprigs rosemary
2 cinnamon sticks
1 TBS honey
2 TBS butter
salt and pepper

- combine the first 6 ingredients in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil over medium high heat until reduced by half, about 30 minutes
- discard the cinnamon sticks and rosemary and puree in a food processor or blender until smooth
- stir in the butter, and salt and pepper to taste


Brown Sugar Carrots

2 bunches carrots, sliced on the diagonal (I the slim kind with the tops attached- the pre packed kind are usually larger so use less if that is what you have)
1/3 cup brown sugar
2 TBS butter
1/2 tsp salt and pepper to taste

- place it all in a pot with enough water just to cover and simmer over medium heat until tender


Apple Chestnut Stuffing

1 red delicious apple
1 granny smith apple
1 onion
1 TBS olive oil
1 TBS butter
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/4 cup dry white wine
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 lb mild Italian sausage (Central Market has a great in house version)
7 oz or so steamed chestnuts (Williams Sonoma carries these during the holidays, you'll need about 1/2 the jar)
1 square pan of cornbread (Central Markets cornbread is a great non-fortified nastiness way to go)
1 cup chicken broth
1 cup Parmesan cheese
butter for pan

- preheat the oven to 425
- in a medium pot heat the butter apples, and onion over medium low heat until soft, about 10 minutes
- add the cranberries and wine, and simmer about 5 more minutes, season with salt and pepper, and set aside
- cook the sausage in a large saute pan over medium high heat until browned and cooked through, breaking up any large chunks
- combine the apple mixture, sausage, and cornbread in a very large bowl (I used my soup pot) and add the chicken broth and 3/4 cup of the Parmesan
- pour into a well greased rectangular baking dish, sprinkle with salt and pepper, top with remaining cheese and bake until golden and crusty, about 30 minutes or so


Super Simple Apple Tart

Pastry Dough 1 (which has slightly better flavor)
or
Pastry Dough 2 (which is nearly indestructible)


2 granny smith apples, chopped2 tsp flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 TBS AppleJack liqueur
2 TBS butter
1 egg mixed with 1 TBS water (for egg wash)
extra sugar for sanding the top (turbinado sugar looks prettiest)

- preheat oven to 400
- combine the fruit, flour, sugar, and liqueur in a medium bowl
- roll the dough out into a circle as if for a pie crust and dump the fruit mixture in the center
- fold the dough up and over the fruit, creating little pleats
- using a pastry brush or your fingers, dip into the egg wash and dab in between the pleats to secure them
- coat the outside pastry thinly with the egg wash, sprinkle with sugar, and dot the butter on top of the fruit
- bake for 30 minutes or so, or until golden and slightly bubbly